Since the dawn of time . . . . well not really. I just like saying that. Suffice to say I have a
long history with creepy weirdos coming on/invading my space. This feature of my life has unfortunately not diminished especially because of my chosen profession. I like to think I have developed a sixth sense, if you will, whose sole purpose is to warn me of approaching creeps. When used appropriately it allows me to gird myself for the oncoming creepiness or make a hasty and safe exit. Anyways, it dawned on me today while reading The Gift of Fear (an excellent read by the way -- should be required reading for ALL librarians) that others might benefit from my unsavory experiences and develope their own sixth sense for creeps.
Are they behaving strangely?
I am not talking about obvious freaky behavior. Obvious strange behavior might be barking like a dog (which has happened in the library), pacing back and forth, muttering to one's self, making loud unneccessary exclaimations etc. These would obviously put up caution signals. No, I am talking about the subtle cues that you learn over time. It is that still small part of you that seizes up, goes hmmm, or inexplicably makes you back away. These cues are easy to spot when you think carefully but may only be a split second of information and perceptions. Maybe you are wrong, maybe not. You know what is "normal" behavior and what is not. You may not be able to put your finger on it except to say something was "off" about that person, but you recognized strange behavior.
Is the person too friendly/in your space?
Personal space is a huge deal for me. I know my boundaries and I don't like them crossed. I have even backed up several times from patrons who were just too chummy. In fact, as I am writing this I just had to back up when a patron came behind the desk and within a foot of my person to talk. Now, I know this patron has developemental delays and so I was not threatened. Uncomfortable, but not threatened. However, had I not known this patron I would have been on high alert and asked them to come around to the other side of the desk.
I seem to attract life stories. People just feel the need to inexplicably volunteer information to me on a daily basis. I have learned over time not to get involved in their stories because that is usually what they want. Most of them use it as a way of manipulating me -- they want attention. Other times they want more than that. Much more. So the best approach I have found is to not say much if anything and most people get the message. If not then I will make an excuse to either leave or get back to work. Next time I don't engage them at all. To some this might seem unfriendly. But to me, since I have recieved several sexually harassing instances, it is survival. You never know.
Are they asking too many questions?
"What time is your break?" "When do you get off?" "What is your day off?" "Do you have a boyfriend?" Believe it or not I have gotten all of these questions -- and I am not a vampy librarian. Red flags go off immediately when patrons or anyone asks, even demands personal information. I don't care if that person is as old as methusela, deemed by others as "harmless", it is not appropriate. Period. Tell them to stop.
Do they want to control their environment?
The person who won't let you work or get on with your own business because they are talking to you is a creep. They want something -- time, attention, the thrill of control. Nip it in the bud. If they are occupying your time then there are at least three other patrons with real concerns who did not approach the desk because of jabber mouth. That is being a diservice to your community, business etc.
Will they not take no for an answer?
Everyone has encountered the persistant person. Most of the time we just brush it off. However, sometimes persistance is outright creepiness. Say you have someone in the library/your home/business who just will not leave or listen to reason. And I am not talking about Dear Aunt Flo who loves to "visit". I am talking about people who have no regard for business or rules of decorum.
An example would be the patron who refuses to leave until someone prints his print job, five minutes after all the computers shut down and the building is officially closed. Now, some might cow to his incessant whiney demands about his son's homework but to do so is a diservice to our staff and the rest of the community. We can't play favorites. And giving them what they want is not "good customer service". What it is is bad customer conditioning. You are teaching this person that they have the power to make an entire body of people stop and cater to them. Worse yet, next time they come in they will want the same treatment and I for one am not going to spend all of my weeknights printing jobs for procrastinating school children.
Do they follow you around?
This one is pretty explanitory. If they follow you they are a creep. I cannot stress this enough -- IF THEY FOLLOW YOU THEY ARE A CREEP. Do not go to your car alone. Do not drive straight home. Do not go into dark corners. Find people fast and call the cops.
Are they nervous or unstable?
If someone comes up and avoids looking you in the eye, or does look you in the eye while calmly telling you that Aliens are hijacking his computer terminal -- back away and proceed with caution. A shy person may not give you eye contact and that is understandable but it is better to be cautious than niave.
What does your gut tell you?
Many times I will say to someone "that person just creeps me out". Now, they may be harmless but experience has taught me that usually my gut is right. When my creep-o-meter alarms me then I know take heed. 9 times out of 10 I have avoided very unpleasent or dangerous situations because of these instincts.
Do they know details about you that you did not volunteer?
Do they come up saying they have missed you and you do not know them? Do they know how old your children are without you telling them? Do they know your break time? All giant red flags. Creep. Stay on alert.
Are you afraid?
If you are afraid of this person it is more likely than not that they have done something to provoke that emotion. Most of us are not prone to irrational fear of others. If someone causes you to be afraid or even just cautious, heed that. Fear is there to help us survive, to heighten our awareness, and to give us the energy to fight back or flee to fight another day.
